Tonight, I sat down at my sewing machine for the first time in about 6 months. It was a special moment for me. I have had post natal depression since Sam was born and sewing, something I love, was just too hard to touch. I didn't have the energy. It seemed too stressful. I didn't have the patience to sit down and sew even something simple. My desk was constantly messy piled high with random stuff. It was just too hard to clean it up and sew something.
Tonight I was making soot sprites from My Neighbour Totoro for Sam's 1st birthday party. Can you believe he's almost 1 already?!?!?! I lost my embroidery scissors which were the only scissors I have that could cut through the wool while it was tight against the fork. (I followed this great little
tutorial I found on
Pinterest) It drove me absolutely mad that I couldn't find them and I ended up cleaning up my whole desk area in the hunt. Even after I found them (in a plastic bag on my desk chair...I totally don't recall putting them there!), I was somehow still spurred on to continue cleaning until everything was off my desk.
And then I set my sewing machine up. It was still in it's case after a long overdue service it received earlier this year. I hadn't even tried it since I got it back. It felt so good seeing my sewing machine back on my desk ready to sew. I even tidied up my sewing box!
In my clean up, I found some partly made pants I had started for Sam long ago when it was starting to get cold. I'm really not sure if he'll still fit them now but I really wanted to get them finished. All I had done was cut out the fabric and sew on a little applique patch. I hadn't sewn a single seam. The applique really is not some of my best work. I don't know what I was thinking at the time but the satin stitching around the patch is appalling...so uneven and too wide. Anyway, those unfinished pants were something special I was trying to make for my bubby and I really wanted to finish them, no matter how dodgy they may turn out.
It was actually thrilling to sit down and sew again. I had to pull out my sewing machine's manual to remember which were the stretch stitches I used to use. It had been such a long time since I had sewn anything. But somehow, it all just came back and I was doing things automatically. It was so exciting sewing those seams and neatening edges. It was so wonderful to feel my love of sewing coming back after such a long time. I ended up stopping at the elastic in the waist because I need to check Sam to see how much elastic to use (and there's NO WAY I'm disturbing him to check that at this time of night!) but I am so happy with what I achieved tonight.
These pants, although the applique is messy, I discovered I had actually sewn it onto the back of the pants, and I got so carried away with sewing the casing around the waist I forgot to leave a hole and had to unpick it, represent how much I love my little man. They are far from my finest work but I am making them with so much joy and love for him. They represent a milestone in my healing from depression. No matter what, I will finish these pants. Somehow they are important. I know every time I see them, I will be so incredibly thankful to God for my precious baby boy, my ability to sew, and for the healing and joy that they sparked within me. They really will be made with stitches and love.
I imagine it will be slow going as I get back into sewing and crafting. But at least I have begun. And often, that is the hardest step.
